My gusset’s better than yours!

I decided to give the Body Wrappers convertible tights another go-round.

They arrived in the mail today (along with some elastic and ribbon so I can finally [finally!!!] get the custom Freeds on the dance floor).

I want to meet the copy editor who wrote up the packaging for these things.

Because according to them these tights have a… wait for it… “hygienically superior gusset.”

Body Wrappers Tights

You hear that? Hygienically SUPERIOR!!! I guess I’ll be grateful that they used the word “gusset” rather than my preferred term for that area of the tights. Bwahahahaa… if we could all be so blessed πŸ˜‰

Oh, we may also note the “no sag spandex” and “recovery action” featured in these tights. Wow!

The back of the package starts getting a bit passive-agressive, though. It advises me that these are “value tights” that “provide an economical entry to the superior Body Wrappers tight line of products.”

Gee, why don’t they just write on them, “Golly, you are a cheap bugger, aren’t you? If you bought the more expensive tights you could be a great dancer, but I guess you are satisfied with mediocrity, eh?!”

It’s not all bad news, though. They tell me I can wear these under my leotard (so… Body Wrappers opposes the tights OVER leo look? probably a good corporate stance) everyday (I’m guessing due to that hygienically superior gusset!) for class, performance and recital for “Performance At Its Best!” (odd capitalization copied verbatim).

Well, then… here’s wishing you all superior performances and hygienic gussets!


4 thoughts on “My gusset’s better than yours!

  1. Reece says:

    I’ve been trying for two days to write a witty reply to this, but every time I do I end up thinking “You can’t say that on someone’s public blog!” and canceling it. So I’ll just leave it as “this made me smile”.

    Except… what is your preferred alternate term for “gusset”?

    • roriroars says:

      Bwahaha!!! Yes, I had to self-edit a few things because I was worried about what kind of blog traffic might be generated by discussing the benefits of various crotch-construction technologies πŸ˜‰

  2. Sandra says:

    At the risk of “TMI” … it is typical for women to wear leggings and tank tops in my adult beginner ballet class. The other day I was very excited the to have a new pair of gray leggings instead of the typical black. Towards the end of class when doing a 2nd position devlope I realized one negative aspect of the gray leggings — they show perspiration. I may need to look for leggings with a “hygenic gusset!”

    • roriroars says:

      Haha! Oh no! I have a couple leotards that I try not to wear in warm weather when I’m extra sweaty because they’re light colors and really show the perspiration marks. Eek!

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