I am not a resolution-maker. I’ve only ever stuck to one resolution (I think because it agreed with my thrifty Yankee inclinations), which was to put 10% of my gross pay in a savings account. The idea came from a Cosmo magazine. Not the place I usually look for financial advice, but I was in college and for whatever reason that idea struck me as brilliant (compared to the rest of their advice, anyway) and I trotted myself off to my bank and opened a savings account for that very purpose. Not that 10% of a college kid’s paycheck is a whole lot, but it added up and by the time I graduated and was moving out on my own I had enough money set aside to do the whole first/last/security deposit thing and I think that alone was enough to encourage me to keep up the habit! Anyway… I’m digressing already and I’m only in the first paragraph of this post.
New Year’s Resolutions, ah yes. So, I don’t make them. The replacing of calendars does not provide sufficient motivation to change my erroneous ways. However, in the course of human events… I don’t think it’s a bad thing to set some intentions for where we want to go, physically, emotionally, whatever. The secret to setting these intentions (or resolutions, as it were) is that they have to be directed towards things for which you have a true burning desire and are willing to put forth some effort. I swear, if you have the desire the universe recognizes that and sends the means back to you.
Take my successful resolution (intention) example above… even as a kid I loved to see money in the bank (a sudden vision of the Peanuts character Lucy just popped into my head; she is shaking her can at the psychiatric stand saying “nickels, nickels, nickels!”). But there have been times when, despite my rigid adherence to the 10% tithe to myself, the going has been a little rough due to circumstances (largely) out of my control. The savings account has dwindled and I’ve found myself staring down a scary black tunnel. Yet somehow things have come through to get me through that patch and on to the next part of my life (see Pennies from heaven). I have developed a theory based on this phenomenon: put forth the effort, the universe will reward you. Or god helps those who help themselves. Or karma will come back to bite you in the ass (no, wait…). Something like that.
Ah, yes… resolutions/intentions/yaddayaddayadda. So, I replaced the calendar on January 1 (um, actually, that’s a lie, I just did it today because I was lazy and couldn’t remember where I stashed the new one until this morning). I looked through the pretty pictures of my old college campus and said, self, what do you want to do with your life? No, I didn’t do that, either. The truth is, I’ve been struggling with the job thing. I was excited about the change and… I want to like it… and I really just don’t. I love being a nurse, but clearly I have yet to find my niche within the field. That’s one intention I’ll have to keep working on. But during my struggle of, “Oh no, what have I done?” that accompanied the transition, Rational-Level-Headed Rori had finally had it with Emotional-Wiffle-Waffle Rori and snapped: “EWW-Rori, you’ve never loved a job, so tell me, what DO you love?” EWW-Rori said: “Dancing.”
I danced as a kid, danced through college, took a couple classes after I moved to Big City and then just… stopped. Maybe I was burnt out. Maybe I was just too cheap to spend money on classes. Maybe I was lazy. Or maybe I just needed a break. Fast forward to mid-2009 and this happened: All work and no play? And you think, okay, old lady in the rec center getting her groove on, go you. But the thing is, dance is like an addiction… the more you do it, the more you want it. As a result, I’ve performed in multiple shows with the group I joined. Then I started missing ballet ferociously, so I looked up local dance studios to see if any had classes for adults and found one that did and started dancing there towards the end of November.
What does this have to do with intentions? Well, I figured, maybe I don’t know exactly what I want to do/be when I grow up — and who knows if I’ll ever figure that out — but I do know what I love. So, instead of beating myself up over not having the perfect career I should put my energy towards getting more involved in something I do love. And that’s my intention for the new year. And you know what? It’s coming back to me already.
Earlier this week I received an e-mail from the owner of the ballet studio asking if I’d like to perform in a show that the advanced teens/adults are putting on in March. I haven’t performed ballet for an audience since high school! So I’m very excited to do that. Then the friend who runs the original company I joined approached me asking if I’d be interested in teaching a beginner ballet class for some of her teens/adults. Initially I was hesitant having no idea how to run a class (I mean, I get the concept, it’s the creative aspect of coming up with combinations that scares me!). But a quick search (and small shopping spree) through Amazon and I had a bevy of books on the topic of ballet and how to teach it. Ordered some ballet music and am hoping to get my fledgling Very Beginner Ballet Class off the ground in a few weeks. Where will all this lead? Likely… nowhere. Adult dancers do not return to the studio to be discovered and I don’t have the background to ever teach much more than beginning ballet. But these upcoming events give me joy and anticipation which is more than I can say about my daily commute! So maybe the universe will find a way to help me find something I love to do… maybe I’ll just need to recognize that work is a way to afford to do the things I do. We’ll see.
Until then… what is your intention?