Haven’t had any babies in our level II nursery in a couple weeks. This has made observing in there rather boring, though I did get to go to the c-sections and other nursery-attended births. I wish there had been something to see in the actual nursery. In spite of this, I got the sense that I would really like it. I felt like I had come home. I knew I would.
Then comes the blow (not unexpected): there is no room in the budget for me to orient there. I could see this coming from a mile away, but I kept my fingers crossed that the stars might align and things would work out in my favor. No such luck. So I’m back at square one again, the nurse without a home. I can’t be just a postpartum nurse. Well, I can, as long as I agree to be per diem, which really doesn’t work for me. I need the income and benefits. Not to mention that I don’t really want to postpartum regardless of the pay scheme.
So now I’m back to trying to figure out what to do, where to go, etc. If I was willing to do some administrative stuff I could probably get myself more hours in my other job, but I would prefer to find something where I can use the nursing knowledge. And I do want to do something clinical.
I am feeling a lot of frustration at finding myself in this pickle. I was hoping I could at least get through that magical first year without bombing out. Now I have too much experience to try to pass myself off as a new grad, and not enough to say that I’m experienced. I wondered today if I should ask to go back on L&D orientation. I could probably wrap it up fairly quickly and then I could have my 24 hours a week guaranteed. But that screams bad idea for many reasons, key being the fact that I was miserable in L&D and everyone knew I was miserable. I really don’t think it’s worth it. But trying to find a job in this economy blows. Pickings are slim and the jobs that are out there are largely per diem. I get that they want to be able to flex their staffing as needed, but it’s not like I’m doing this for pin money here. Blah…
One of my biggest frustrations is the simple fact that I know what I want to be doing. And I wish I had said so at the beginning. I could have oriented to the level II nursery from the get-go and avoided this whole brouhaha. Argh… Yet even as I type this, part of me knows that this is probably the right thing for me in the end. The scary part is not knowing where this road is leading. Am I supposed to be in another specialty? Another institution? A completely different nursing role? I really don’t know yet, but the universe seems intent on telling me that I need to move on.
So here I am… trying to figure out where my next step will lead. Exploring my options and hoping something good comes along. We can only hope!
As a brief follow-up on my diploma post, I talked to one of my friends from school the other night and was relieved to find out I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. She, too, thought it was a puny document and very unceremoniously presented. Although she at least got her middle initial on hers. Harumph.