I have been terribly remiss in keeping this blog up-to-date. Sadly, it seems to reflect my general lack of motivation, though I’m hoping that things are on an upswing. I’m blaming part of this motivation issue on the fact that clinical feels so darned much like work. I don’t mean that in a bad way, just that clinical has never been this routine before. Generally we’d be on a floor for a day or two a week. Sometimes more, but not usually. And we were in our clump of students. It felt very “school.” Now, with my immersion experience, I’m on my own, one-on-one with my preceptor. I’m there 3-4 days a week. I’ve got projects to work on independently, so much so that when my preceptor called out sick a couple times over the past few weeks I was still able to put in a good amount of time doing work… not homework, but work for my site. I feel like I’m part of my preceptor’s department. It feels good, actually. It would feel better if I were being paid, but hey, I’ll take it. The problem is that I still have classes to prepare for, yet when I come home at the end of the day I feel as though I should be doing my normal, after-work routine: make dinner, sit, relax. Not make dinner, sit, study.
Another challenge this semester is that the class schedule seems to be very hard to keep track of. One class meets four Saturdays over the course of the semester. It’s hard to remember which ones! Another meets every other Monday morning. Again, hard to remember what week we’re on. The last one meets, theoretically, every Monday afternoon, but we’ve already had two out of the five off. Hard to remember what I’m supposed to be doing when.
I feel as though I’m starting to get into a stride, though. Yesterday I was able to sit down and read 3+ chapters of one of my leadership books. I am actually one of the few people in my class who likes this book, but I still find it hard to power through. Partly it’s because the author tends to be repetitive, and he says things over and over again, and he likes to repeat himself, and he often says things more than once. 😉 At some point one starts to drift off. Or get annoyed that he keeps saying “inculcate” or “cybernetics” or whatever. It’s fun to pull out a 25-cent word every once in a while, but it gets pompous and annoying when repeated every single page. My other problem when reading is that I will be reminded of things that happened in my old career or things that I’ve seen in clinical and then I start daydreaming. I guess this is good because it’s relating the theory to practice (ugh, I can’t believe I just said that after all my ranting about having to do exactly that when writing our damned reflective journals), but it definitely slows the reading process. For whatever reason yesterday I was able to maintain focus and get through it.
I’ve also been having a hard time motivating myself to keep the house clutter-free. I was pretty good about the little-bit-of-cleaning-every-day schtick for a couple months there, but that fell off at some point over break. I was able to maintain a few habits, one of the stranger ones being making my bed when I get up every morning. Who would think that one would stick?! But I’m trying to get myself back on the bandwagon. I did my weekly basic cleaning today and tonight set my timer for 15 minutes and managed to get through the two baskets of clean laundry that have been sitting on the floor of the bedroom for the past three weeks. Lots more to go, but hopefully I’m getting there!
Anyway, I will try to post more soon with some specifics about the semester and all that jazz.