Okay, so I’m not really into the word “resolution.” To me it seems far too stringent a word. It gives no latitude in which to explore your goal. It’s like taking a class that’s pass/fail, except the cut-off point for “pass” is a 100. Basically doomed for failure.
But intentions… that I can get behind. Allows you to set a foggier goal, something where, well, maybe you don’t even know exactly what the end product will look like, but you have a general idea of where you want to go. Throw it out to the universe and see what comes back.
My major intention for 2011 was to increase my involvement in dance… I think I can declare that a success! I reignited my blog. I taught my first ballet class. I performed in my first full-length ballets… and a variety of other performances. I got back en pointe for the first time in nearly 12 years and performed en pointe for the first time in over 15 years! Dance — and ballet in particular — has become such a major part of my life it’s shocking to realize that it’s only been a year since I set the intention!
So what of 2012? Will there be more dance? Well, for sure I don’t plan to cut back. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the progress I made in the past year, but I want to up the ante. Some things that have eluded me that I want to gain control of in 2012: batterie in jumps (used to love it, now it confounds me!), multiple tours (I managed to eke out lovely doubles en dehors on the left — my bad side — in warm-up class right before our final Nut performance… hoping it wasn’t just a Christmas miracle!), and confidence en pointe. So there’s that. And teaching? Well, I loved it and I’m sad that I no longer have the venue to offer my own class(es). My students have asked on occasion about restarting, but I’m not sure exactly what I want to do with that yet. Something to ponder. And performing, of course performing. Looking forward to whatever comes my way with that.
Admittedly most of my intentions for 2012 are outside the realm of dance. Career being the big one. In some ways dance managed to highlight the need to change up the career trajectory. There was the fact that I volunteered to teach ballet (no pay) and spent hours each week preparing for it, loving every minute. There was the fact that I found myself in the studio giving up large chunks of evenings and weekends for classes and rehearsals and, yeah, there were times when I would have rather done something else, but the final product made it all worth it.
It reminded me that it’s possible to enjoy hard work when you have a love for what you’re doing. Ultimately I realized that I lost sight of the reason I went into this career in the first place. I fell into the trap of, “Well, I’m good at this, so I guess I’ll keep doing it.” Which works with the whole staying-employed thing. Yay. But it doesn’t really make you want to hop out of bed in the morning. In fact, it makes you look for any plausible reason to stay in bed. Been down that road before. Not interested in staying on it. So my intention for 2012 is to turn this car around and start driving towards my goal. No more heading to a destination I don’t want to go to or taking random detours in the hopes that it might eventually take me where I want to go. So, Universe, there you go. Hope you see fit to help me out with that.
To all my readers out there, I hope that the universe sends you back lots of fodder for your intentions! May this be the best, pirouettiest year yet!