Week One: Check!
Hard to believe that we’ve reached the second week of school. It’s been a bumpy road to start, but seems to be smoothing out some now. The most interesting thing, by far, has been meeting my fellow students. We’ve had various introductions for each of our classes over the past week and I learn a little more about my classmates each time. I’m absolutely amazed at the experiences that these people bring to the program.
There is one woman who started the program last year, but only completed the first semester as she found out that she was pregnant with twins! She’s only taking two classes with us due to the number of credits that transferred from last year, plus the fact that she’s limiting her load while her newest children are so young, but it’s really interesting to have someone in class who started out in the prior curriculum and is still close with many of her former classmates. I was excited to find out that she, too, was a mutual fund company drop-out. We have people representing the Phillippines, Kenya, and Pakistan. The woman from Pakistan was actually a physician in her home country. The man from Kenya holds a PhD in community economic development. We’ve got a lot of psych majors, with biology ranking second in popularity. There are a fair number of us who had seriously considered medical school prior to choosing nursing. We’ve got a number of people with master’s degrees, including those in public health, developmental psychology, biochemical engineering, and human sexuality. We have two people with military experience. We have a few parents, one woman having grown children, two others (including the woman mentioned above) with infants. It’s really quite a diverse group and I feel privileged to be a part of it.
We’re finally officially registered and Blackboard is up for all of our courses. It’s not the greatest system, but it definitely is nice to have all of our course materials in one online source. I’m loving my own new technology, though. I still need to get MS Office on my computer (yeah, because I’m not spending enough money on this venture already!), but at least I get to enjoy the fact that I can pull the computer out nearly anywhere on campus and get almost instant access to journal articles through the library’s website without having to spend my time wandering through dusty stacks. The PDAs are fun, too… if I see a word in my reading that I’m not sure about, no need to dig out another book, just turn on the Palm and tap into Taber’s Medical Dictionary. It’s definitely going to be useful in the clinical sites. Plus I can get on the web with it wherever there’s a wireless connection and somehow (don’t know how yet) I can share info with my classmates since they’re all equipped with Bluetooth technology. Oh yeah, solitaire on demand is nice, too 
Still trying to get caught up with everything from the past week. I got a lot of reading done this weekend and yesterday, but there’s still a lot more to do. Plus I’m still trying to get all the class materials printed off and organized. At least I know we’re all in the same boat. It’s a hectic pace, but I think we’re starting to settle in.
My schedule is something like this:
Saturday-Monday: no classes, study my butt off (and try to have a little fun, too)
Tuesday: Pathophysiology/Pharmacology from 8-11, then a big ass break that I’ll spend in the library or the student union, then Clinical Inquiry from 3:30-6:30
Wednesday: Care of the Older Adult from 9-noon, then Discipline of Nursing (theory, blah) from 1-4 (though she likes to let us out early… no complaints here!)
Thursday and Friday: Health Assessment 8-2 (the clinical course), though we’ll only have this schedule for the next two weeks… after that we’ll be on campus on Thursday and will spend Fridays in the clinical site (likely 7-3) for three weeks, then at the clinical site for both days after that.
We’ll also be doing some volunteering/observing at nursing homes and the like for our Care of the Older Adult class a few times during the semester.
Now it’s time to get back to my Calculate with Confidence book… nothing like doing a math workbook to make you feel like a kid again!
Where am I going and how did I get in this handbasket?
Okay, so I was going to use this title for a little history lesson in how Rori got to nursing, but now that I’m actually in school I’m not sure when or if I’m going to have time to do a whole long schpiel on that, so I’ll use it for this post.
Let me just say AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Wow. The first week has been a whirlwind. Tuesday morning I woke up like any other morning. Alarm went off same time. Got up, took a shower, grabbed a quick breakfast, got dressed… but that’s when it began to change. I put on JEANS. Denim on a weekday! It got weirder. I got in the car, but T wasn’t with me. I turned north on the interstate instead of south. There were NO TRAFFIC JAMS, even though we had an ice storm the day before. Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore!
After that it’s a bit blurry. One of the professors on the first day of class said something about us being sheep, and I must admit that I did feel a bit like going “Baaaa!!!” We followed each other around trying to find our classes. We put up with the craziness of not being able to register for our classes, thus not being able to get into Blackboard which apparently wreaks havoc with the professors as they try to remember how they taught before the system existed, trying to figure out why I couldn’t log onto the school computers, etc. It was all incredibly hectic and I think I speak for most of us when I say that it left my head spinning.
Then, on top of trying to adjust academically, there’s the whole aspect of getting the rest of my life up to speed with this change. There was the realization that I need to get a modern computer, like, yesterday, and that we should probably be good citizens and get our own damned high-speed wireless connection and yeah, that means going back to cable (oh how I loved being perverse in not having the boob tube… though I gotta admit that the crappy reception was more than a little annoying most of the time). There was the realization that I needed to stock up on portable snacks so that I don’t either starve or go broke. And there’s the challenge of recognizing that the rest of the world has not stopped just because I’ve decided to go back to school and make a career change. I’ve still got lots of other roles in life besides student and I need to be sure to honor those… or at least try my darnedest.
I’m starting to see the light, though. Yesterday I stocked up on my snacks and went to Staples where I found a cute little laptop on clearance… after checking with the second opinion and him checking it with his network, I purchased it to find out that it was $100 cheaper than the tag, plus I still got 10% off of that! I got my Palm T/X up and running and got to play with it in class today. We got to do our first skills lab today. And I found out that they’re having a clinical site in the Queen City after all and I got placed into it! Yay for ridiculously short commutes (even though it’ll still be three weeks until I get to do it). Our classes are finally available for us to register (well, kinda, I tried and it gave me an error message because it’s over the maximum credit limit… argh). Now I just need to get my student loan stuff done, call that darned cable company and re-enter us into the 21st century, and finish the attempt at organizing myself with binders and folders and planners and whatnot.
Hopefully will have more time this weekend to give a better report. Back to the books here!
Getting to know you
We had two orientation sessions on Friday. The morning session was for Blackboard (Bb), the web-based system for sharing class info. It’s actually kind of cool… depending on how the professor chooses to use it you can take quizzes online, submit assignments, have a discussion board with your classmates, access class documents, etc. My brother could probably give a better description of it seeing as he works in IT for another of the state unis, but that’s what I could tell about it.
So, it’s a cool system, but in my estimation it’s something that any reasonably computer-literate person can figure out. Definitely not something that requires an extensive orientation session. As it was they scheduled us for two hours (followed by an hour for lunch) and we were only there for 40 minutes, so ended up with a couple hours to kill before the library orientation.
The good thing is that most of us were checking our e-mail during the Bb orientation and were able to find out our class schedule and that some of our books were available, so we schlepped over to the student union to buy our books. OUCH! Pain to the wallet followed by pain in the arms and shoulders. And that wasn’t even all of the books! I was incredibly grateful for the Barnes & Noble gift card that my coworkers had given me for a going-away gift. Took away some of the sting. I’m hoping that there is truth to the rumor that the first semester is the worst in terms of financial outlay!
The library orientation went pretty well. We mostly went over how to access journal articles electronically. It’s nice to think that I’ll be able to do research without having to spend all my time in the library. It’s amazing how much is available online! We did do a tour of the physical library, though. I was pretty impressed.
All-in-all, not a bad day… kind of a waste of time and I couldn’t help thinking about the extra day’s pay that I could have earned, but at least I got to know the campus a little better, met a few more classmates, and bought my books before the undergrads got back to campus.
Last day of work
Thursday marked the end of an era… that of paid employment! It hasn’t completely sunk in yet. I know logically that next week my life as a student will start, but it still feels like a regular old weekend at the moment. I was telling my mom today that we have Monday off and I realized that I was still thinking that I was working, forgetting that for this semester I have EVERY Monday off.
Obviously I’m thrilled to finally be pursuing something I’ve been working towards for so long, but it also means that I have to say goodbye to a portion of my life and accept that my experience there did not turn out how I might have hoped or expected when I started. I knew very soon after I started with the company that it wasn’t really what I saw myself doing for a lifetime, yet part of me did hope that I could find a niche there for myself. Somehow leaving for this reason seems like admitting failure. Which isn’t to say that I’m spending all my time beating myself up for being a corporate flunkie. Rationally I know that I’m doing what’s best for me and that no matter what job I might have found there I would have always had that nagging voice in the back of my head saying that I should pursue my dream of getting into healthcare.
I hate admitting that I’d probably feel differently if I were leaving the mutual fund world to go to medical school. There was a bedpan reference in someone’s note in my going-away card. Knowing the person who wrote it, I know he thought he was funny and he has a rather bad sense of humor anyway (any of my former co-workers reading this know exactly who I’m speaking of here). But it still bugs me to know that I’m leaving a white collar job to go to something that’s traditionally been pink-collar. As I’ve said before, I’m not one to jump on the advocacy bandwagon yelling and screaming about how nursing is so much more than bedpans, that we’re not mindlessly following doctors around and doing whatever they say, that I actually have intentions of going on to complete my doctorate in nursing. But I hate the idea that others might think that I’m leaving to go do something “easier”. That I couldn’t hack it. Kinda makes me wistful that I didn’t apply to Yale’s nursing program. Of course it’s stupid to worry about idiotic ideas other people might hold towards my chosen profession and in a few months I probably won’t care. It’s just my own insecurities getting to me.
The hardest part, though, is saying goodbye to the people. While my jobs might not have been my life’s dream, I met some really great people while I was there and I will miss them. They were there for me when I needed them personally and professionally. They were there to shoot the shit and make the day go by more easily. They saw me through some major changes in my life. I will forever be grateful for that.
A revelation
The other night I dreamed I was back at work at McDonald’s. I was asking my old manager how to enter grill orders (special orders) since I couldn’t remember how to do it on the computers. In my dream I said to him, “I remember a lot from six years ago, but I forgot that.” The funny thing is that I used to regularly have these dreams during college breaks right before I went back to work there… I guess it was my mind’s way of reviewing or something. I wondered why on earth I was having such a dream NOW of all times, when I’m in the process of leaving my “real” job and going back to school with nothing to indicate a return to the golden arches.
Then yesterday afternoon I mentioned to T that I needed to iron my uniforms. Suddenly I realized that washing and ironing uniforms was something I hadn’t done since I worked at McDonald’s. And as I stood over the ironing board the similarity between the two outfits struck me with alarming clarity… the polo shirt, the mostly-polyester pants, the shoes that were only worn for that one occupation. Eek! At least I can take comfort in knowing that I will likely never have to wear a baseball cap or a weird tie for nursing.
It was a strange revelation, however. In a way I AM returning to some of the things that McDonald’s represented. There are the uniforms for one… but beyond that there was an order and a process to everything. My current job is fairly open-ended. Most things here are on a yearly schedule. There is little to do on a more regular basis, there are no documented procedures. I think back to my former job at this company, and I wonder whether I was more successful there because there were daily, weekly, monthly tasks that needed to be done. There was more routine, more structure. Am I truly someone who can only function within a strict framework?
When I think about other aspects of my follow-the-rules mentality in terms of, say, knitting or cooking, I wonder whether it’s actually a manifestation of my perfectionism. If I try to create my own knitting pattern I know that it’s going to take a few tries to figure out and the end result might not be anything I’d want to admit to creating. However if I follow a pattern I can make something more complex and concentrate on the details, plus I can be reasonably assured that once it’s completed I’ll be happy to hand it off to the recipient since someone else already went through the trial-and-error phase. The cooking analogy is probably more relevant to my work life. If I am trying out a recipe for the first time I want to go through the steps exactly. That way if it tastes like crap I can blame the recipe, not my cooking skills. However the more comfortable I get with something the more likely I am to experiment with substitutions or measurements or to try to create without a recipe.
A funny aside about perfectionism: When I was in elementary school I remember one parent-teacher conference after which my parents related the usual “She says you’re a good student, pleasure to have in class,” followed by “She said that you are a perfectionist.” At that I burst into tears. “Do you know what that word means?” my dad asked. “No,” I admitted. It just sounded bad! I guess I was upset that my perfection was marred by being a perfectionist. SDER. My parents probably had to stifle a laugh at that one.
It’s been interesting that towards the end of my time at this job I’ve been able to finally put a finger on at least part of the reason why I disliked it so much. I never had a true framework to build upon so I spent four years trying to pick my way through with no method to my madness, whereas in my former job I was able to start with the basic, rote tasks and eventually build upon them, make connections, and become a valuable part of the department. Here I was capable of completing tasks, but I never had to do them often enough to know if I did it correctly or to know why we did them or what impact they had. I wasn’t able to become an expert on anything. It was frustrating and left me feeling like a dunce. Realizing this now I see that there are things I could have done to improve my performance and become a stronger member of the department, though I doubt that the ultimate outcome would really have been that much different seeing as I’ve had a lifelong interest in healthcare. It might be valuable information to store away for the future, though.
Wow, all this from a dream about working at McDonald’s.
You could learn a lot from a dummy…
No, not Vince and Larry… legless Anne (who looked more like an Anton if you ask me) and baby Anne.
Today was CPR certification day for seven of my classmates and myself. It was a pretty interesting class, all in all. Our instructor was friendly and not afraid to poke a little fun at the cheesy videos (“Notice how everyone who has a heart attack falls over so gracefully!”). We learned the basic mouth-to-mouth, got up to date on the American Heart Associations new guidelines for compression-to-breath ratio (it’s now 30 compressions to two breaths), and even got to “bag” our dummies, which I previously thought only existed on TV We also covered infant CPR and choking, the latter of which involves a rather drastic-looking series of whacks on the back and chest compressions. Our instructor assured us that it works, however… she had to do it twice in one week this summer on her son who liked watermelon a little too much and shoved it all in his mouth at once. Two whacks and it was out, she said.
It was also nice to have a chance to meet a few classmates before the craziness starts. We seem to have a pretty diverse group. A full 20% of the class is male. At least one person looks to be over 40. At least one other person came from a corporate background. I think one of the guys is former military. It will definitely be interesting to find out how and why everyone ended up there.
I also got to pick up the things I’d ordered from the SNO during orientation. I’m afraid to play with anything before I really know how to use it, but I’ll admit that when I got home I tossed the steth around my neck just to see what it felt like. FWIW it’s heavier than I expected.
One more week of freedom left. We have an orientation to the library next Friday then it’s off to the races the following Tuesday… assuming that they get everything straightened out so that we can register. They’d booked class time for classes that no longer exist while they were finalizing the new curriculum changes so that they’d at least have rooms arranged, but they haven’t updated them with the real classes yet. Expediency is not the strong point of this school, apparently!
